This Is The Reason Stand Up Comedian Sorabh Pant Walks Around In Every

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This Is The Reason Stand Up Comedian Sorabh Pant Walks Around In Every New City He Visits

In a world where travellers look for the comfort of luxury cars, stand up comedian Sorabh Pant explains why walking in a city is his
favourite form of travel.

I’ve almost died seven times. I love walking, especially in cities. And almost dying is a byproduct of walking in India. Traffic rules are mystical concepts, and footpaths are co-working spaces for hawkers, cows, drunks, and the homeless. I feel no malice towards any of them, because they rely on these footpaths for their sustenance; all I use the footpath for is walking.

Four of my near-deaths occurred because four different bikers, with their headlights off, decided to ride on the wrong side of the road, and I was arrogant enough to assume that my life was more important than their Dhoom 6 rejection letters. Another time, I almost fell into a manhole, which had a cover so weak it could’ve been a Marie biscuit. As I stepped on it, the cookie crumbled, giving the rats in the sewers something good to munch on with their tea. Yet another time, I made the mistake of touching a metal barricade (meant to keep pedestrians safe from traffic), which was connected to an open wire (meant to keep electricity safe inside). I manifested my inner Thor very briefly, though I do remember my hammer trembling in fear. (That was an innuendo, in case it wasn’t clear.) And then, of course, there was a time when a car almost ran over me on a footpath, which was obviously just an unpaid parking lot. I cannot confirm or deny if the driver’s name was Salman.

I still walk constantly in India. I’m a pahadi from Nainital—walking is part of my ancestral legacy. I wish they had left me a palatial home, but having restless feet is far more exciting. There’s nothing more enjoyable than being in a walking city. In fact,my manager and my wife— two separate ladies though I’m not sure whom I speak with more—are convinced that I do shows in certain cities only to walk there as opposed to making money. They’re right. If you’re an organiser reading this, please note: walking inflates my self-worth like a bank account never will.

I was recently in London for a show, and I was booked in a hotel where the breakfast buffet was not free. There are many unforgivable sins on earth: murder, religious violence, racism, sexism, etc. But a non- complimentary breakfast buffet is highly underrated; it would be No. 85 if I were to make that list. At No. 84 would be people who enjoy EDM (electronic dance music).

Hence, I had a stern word with the concierge of the non- complimentary-breakfast- serving London hotel.

“Hey, so I have to pay for the breakfast buffet?”
“Yes, sir. It’s £30.”
“Ah!”
“If I were you, I’d pop out to the pub for a pint. Nothing like a Guinness in the morning. It’s a good walk and good weather, which can change. Coffee, beer, and barley—the complete breakfast.”

Every person needs a guru. That unnamed concierge was mine. I walked a few kilometres, had a pint for breakfast, walked a few more kilometres, had a pint, and repeated the process till I reached my hotel room, high on the never-ending ‘breakfast’ of Stout and walking. I had covered over 30 kilometres with my body functioning as a Tesla and beer as my renewable energy. Elon Musk himself smiled at me at one point. Maybe.

I’ve repeated this formula in multiple cities. It’s my favourite thing. Go to a walking city, walk, drink, talk to random strangers, and repeat till it’s time for bed. The beer helps me loosen up, and the walking helps me release happy endorphins.

I like mountains and treks and hikes as much as the next guy with a Fitbit. But cities that allow you to walk are my favourite destinations. You can’t find a pub with apple cider on the top of most mountains. (But I must let the world know that the best apple cider I’ve ever had is made by HPMC in Himachal Pradesh.

In your face, United Kingdom!) And thus, my favourite cities in the world are: New York (cliché), London (cliché: the sequel), Singapore (cliché: Asian release), Toronto (cliché: Punjabi subtitles), and Shimla (not just for the cider).

You can keep your guided tours, monuments, and religious sites; all I need is a non-polluted city with pleasant weather that doesn’t treat pedestrians like they’re target practice for vehicles. I’d advise you to enjoy these walking cities while you still can. With pollution levels rising globally, such cities may be rarer than the polar bear by 2022.

P.S. I have been trying to get my hands on that HPMC apple cider again for years!
If you have liked reading this article, please buy me some and/or organise a show for me in Shimla. I’m only half-joking, of course.